I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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