just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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