You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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