I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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