Have you finally orgasmed yet?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
