just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
