No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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