Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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