worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
