she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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