i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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