so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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