Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
