I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
do herpes really smell.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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