you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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