he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
