You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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