I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
