dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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