I got chris browned last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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