I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just found puke in my bra..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
