my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
