Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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