We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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