is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
