with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
