a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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