Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
