hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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