did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Help. Why am I so naked?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
