mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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