I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
