those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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