What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
