my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
