Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
