u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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