Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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