This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
