Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
you made out with another girl for some wings
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
