***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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