and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
