I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
