I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
