i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
