Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
