I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
