I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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