BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
