Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
